Earlier this month a great thing happened in china, the Zhou Dynasty had begun, and the streets of China roared with excitement. Following the defeat of the Shang Armies it was time for a new dynasty to rule over China. This new Dynasty is already considered to have the potential to be one of the greatest Dynasties in the history of China. Though our dynasty has already suffered a great lost, Emperor Wu Wang died, and with his son to young to take over his brother will resume his brother’s duties until his nephew is ready to take over. . . though, there are some questions whether he will give up his power or not.
Here is what some of the proud citizens of China had to say on the streets of China. From returning soldiers to newborn babies, everybody had something good to say about the new.
This is what a former solider had to say about the new Dynasty,
“I was shocked by how fast we got the dynasty up, and running. I knew it was time for a new dynasty to take over China, but I did not except to happen for another decade or two. Then I was even more shocked when Emperor Wu Wang died, and his brother the duke of Zhou took over. I expected the Duke to take the dynasty, and run it straight into the ground. Though I am excited for the New Dynasty, and wish it the best of look.”
This is what a former solider had to say about the new Dynasty,
“I was shocked by how fast we got the dynasty up, and running. I knew it was time for a new dynasty to take over China, but I did not except to happen for another decade or two. Then I was even more shocked when Emperor Wu Wang died, and his brother the duke of Zhou took over. I expected the Duke to take the dynasty, and run it straight into the ground. Though I am excited for the New Dynasty, and wish it the best of look.”
One of our reporters had a few had a moment to speak with the new emperor the Duke of Zhou. In the short time they talked with him, they were able to get a summary of how he thinks the new Dynasty is going along.
“I think the new Dynasty is already a huge success. The economy going good, there are lots of jobs, and everyone seems to be happy. There is only one thing that I have had problem with, and that is people thinking that I will ruin this Dynasty, or that I will not let my nephew take over when he is ready. Until then I will be the best emperor that I can possibly be, and the day my nephew is ready to take over I will step down, and wish him the best of luck".
We wish the Duke of Zhou and his dynasty the best of luck. For the Ye olde Associated Press this is Tommy Brennan.
We wish the Duke of Zhou and his dynasty the best of luck. For the Ye olde Associated Press this is Tommy Brennan.
You have wonderful information here, but it reads more like an editorial. Please keep the news story strictly factual, without any analysis or opinion. Also, you should write it as if the event just happened yesterday. You can include background information to explain the event, but the article needs to be current. You should not use the first person in anything in the article, except for quotes from witnesses. Finally, this need major polishing. I think you may want to use some or most of this writing for your OpEd.
ReplyDeleteYou have some great information, but you really need to do some significant revision and editing. Please stick to a strict news style of writing, including avoiding any opinion or use of the first person. Also, I think reading this aloud will help you find places that don't really make sense. Please do a very careful job of editing.
ReplyDeletewhere the "D" is highlighted delete the indentation and put it on the line before so it is one sentence. You may also need to do this with another line a little ways down...I think it's one of your red paragraphs. Also, where you talk about the Mandate of Heaven you would want to keep the "H" in Heaven capitalized throughout the whole article because you capitalized it in the beginning and you want it to be consistent. Other than those small things I think you just may want to skim it for anything else that you want to change. But I think all your thoughts make sense for the most part and it's good :)
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